Our Graduate....

This past week we celebrated with Noah as he graduated from preschool. Graduating from preschool is a huge milestone for all children, but we were especially proud of Noah, as he has only been in our country for 6 months, and began preschool after only being home for one month. I remember worrying if it was the right decision for Noah to begin preschool, and I still remember the look on his face when I left took him for his first day of preschool- I think I called about every thirty minutes that day to check on him. After a few days, we knew he was going to be fine, and after just a couple weeks he was thriving, learning so much and making so many new friends. It was a decision that was covered in much prayer, contemplation, and faith, and watching Noah walk into the gym and accept his diploma with a beaming smile was total affirmation that preschool had been the right decision for Noah. Thank you God!


While we plan to continue to work on learning sight words, counting to 100, and writing the alphabet, it is now time to enjoy summer break and all the fun that hot summer days and cool summer evenings (hopefully) entail. And yes, Noah is already talking about Kindergarten, and Caleb is already talking about preschool. Not so fast boys, not so fast :)

Belonging.....

If you notice, the blog got a little makeover- a new banner with some family photos taken by wonderful photographer, Ben Keeling http://www.benkeeling.com/ .

We knew family photos were going to be a necessity when from the moment Noah was able to speak English, he let us know that he wanted to see photos of him on the walls, too. So, we told Noah that as soon as the flowers began blooming outside we would have pictures taken of our family of four- Daddy, mommy, Caleb and Noah. It was a long winter, and he made sure we didn't forget our promise :)

So, the day finally came when the sun was shining and the flowers were blooming, and so on a beautiful afternoon on the campus of Eastern Kentucky University (mine and Zack's first home together :) we had our family photos taken. It was a blast! The boys did great (maybe because we promised them a trip to Chik-fil-a for big smiles :)

When I saw the photos for the first time, I really had to hold back tears. The love that was captured in these pictures is just amazing, and to see the boys smiles, laughs and silly faces brings me such great joy. But more than that, they are a symbol of belonging, of being part of a family, something that meant so much to Noah, and really means so much to all of us (I think we just take it for granted more than him).

So we now have the pictures hanging throughout our home. I put them up one day while Noah was at school, and you should have seen him smile when he came home and saw his pictures on the walls of our. You could tell, he felt like he belonged :)

Only God.....

Today our son Noah will have been home with us for 5 months! All I can say at this point is that God is good (too good to us) and that Noah is really the most remarkable child I know.

Most people are amazed when they hear him speak, at just how quickly he has learned English, and how well he understands what others say. This is really outstanding, and he has blown us away with acquiring English, don't get me wrong, but I don't think this is the most amazing thing Noah has done. Others, including his preschool teacher, remark about how smart he is- he indeed is a very intelligent little man, and while we are so proud of him, I also do not think this is what makes Noah so remarkable. And still others are amazed at how healthy Noah is, despite the fact that he lives with a chronic illness and has to take 9 pills each and every day. We are so very grateful for how well Noah has done managing his illness and that God has given him a strong and healthy body, but even this is not what I think of when I think of what makes Noah so amazing.

The first week that Zack and I spent with Noah in Ethiopia, we didn't hear him speak a single word in Amharic to anyone, rarely saw any emotion other than sadness, and certainly did not see many smiles. I blogged about our time there, and I am not sure how much I let on to the fact that we were worried, but we were very worried! We just didn't know if Noah would naturally have the desire to attach to us and to love us, given all he had experienced in his short life. But we knew God had called us to adopt this precious child, so we did out best to trust God depsite our fears. When I returned to bring him home almost 5 months later, I saw more smiles, but the fear remained both on Noah's part and mine. I am being brutally honest when I say that as we got on the airplane to come home, I felt like I was bringing a complete stranger home ( I am sure Noah felt the same about me), and I wasn't sure if I could parent an almost 5 year old- I was a little envious of the parents bringing home babies, as I had been there done that- this was a whole new ballgame.

But, as time went by, as God remained merciful and faithful to us, as Noah remained patient with us, as many family and friends prayed for us, God began to work in all of our lives, and that is when we began to see the most amazing thing about this little boy- his heart.

Despite the loss he has experienced, the living conditions he experienced in Ethiopia, not having a family, being institutionlized for more than a year, then coming to a whole new world with people he really didn't know or trust, Noah's heart is beautiful. God has healed his heart, and continues to heal his heart, so that he can love us, love his grandparents, and especially his little brother. This love that Noah has for us, in my mind is the most amazing thing! He has made friends, and cares for them as well. He is sensitive, as anyone could see as he watched the Passion Play at our church. From the time Jesus was crucified until He arose, Noah didn't quit crying. He is appreciative, as he is always saying, "Thank you, momma" for the slightest, tiniest thing. He wants to help others, and quite often I catch him helping Caleb put on his socks, or helping Caleb get into his car seat. And all of this in just 5 short months- 5 months! Only God could have done a miracle like this in Noah's life- we are just blessed to have been a part of it.

So many times I have read what a blessing adopting older children can be. So many parents of older adoptive children have encouraged us along the way. I will say, in the beginning, my selfish heart wasn't quite sure if this was true. But now, I can undoubtedly say that adopting a child that is older is such a blessing, and one of the most beautiful examples of how God takes us into his family and heals our hearts as well.

I Hate All Your Show.....

At Christmastime in the Caldwell family, names are always exchanged for gift giving. This past Christmas, Zack's cousin Joey got my name, and I received a wonderful gift. A great book, a mug, and two great Cd's, one of those being the International Justice Mission's "Freedom Project". This cd has some of my favorite artists, like Toby Mac, Third Day, Jars of Clay, and on and on. The songs are all about justice- the justice that the Bible speaks about, the justice, that as Christians, we are commanded to bring to those who so desperately need it. This, afterall, is part of why Jesus came (see Luke 4:17-21). There is one song, inparticular, that God has really been using to speak to me as of late. I admit, the first time I heard it, I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Not because of the music, but the lyrics- This song pulls no punches, and hits pretty close to home, as you might guess from the title of the song, Instead of a Show. It is performed by a guy named Jon Foreman from the band Switchfoot, and is basically taken straight out of the book of Isaiah, chapter 1. If you haven't read this chapter, open your Bible and see what God has to say. He doesn't care so much about the formality of worship as he does how we treat others. So what does this mean for us, for me? I think it means we better take a close look at our lives and ask ourselves: Is my life just a show, something that looks good on the outside, or am I living my life the way Jesus did, doing what Jesus did- reaching those who need his love and mercy the most? That's a tough question. I know for me, it is easy to go to church, help out with children's programs, and sing in the choir. But it is not so easy to love the hard to love people, to make time in my life and room in my heart for those who don't fit into "my plan". I hope you will take a few minutes to listen to the song below.

Tough Questions, Tough Answers

In just a little over a week, Noah will have been home for 4 months. He continues to thrive in his new environment and just today we spoke to his preschool teacher. She went on and on about what a change she has seen in him, how talkative he is now, and what a smart little guy he is. What a huge answer to prayer! He even seems disappointed now when he doesn't get to go to school (which is every Friday).

Along with his English skills improving has come lots and lots of questions, as I wrote about in the last post. Not all of them are easy questions. Some, in fact, are very difficult questions to answer.

Noah has asked us several times why he was older when mommy and daddy came to Ethiopia to bring him home, as opposed to Caleb, who was much younger when mommy and daddy brought him home. This was a new question for us, as Caleb was so young when he was adopted that he has no memories of his life in Ethiopia. We told Noah that he was older when he was adopted because he had a mommy in Ethiopia who took care of him as long as she could. Then we came to Ethiopia and brought him home so we could take care of him and be his mommy and daddy. Not sure if this was the best answer, but it seemed to satisfy his question at the time. Then, of course, Caleb wanted to know why he was a baby when he came to live with us, instead of being older, like Noah. This question was a bit trickier to address, as Caleb was found abandoned, and we honestly do not know anything about his birth family. So, we just told him that he needed a mommy and daddy when he was a baby, and for a three year old, that seemed to be a good answer.

Noah has also asked when he is going back to Ethiopia. When he asked this question for the first time, my heart sank. I was not sure if he was asking out of curiosity, or because he wanted to go back to Ethiopia to live. So, Zack and I gently probed with additional questions, and it seems that he was just wondering if, in fact, this was his home now, or if he would be going back to Ethiopia to live. He seemed glad to know that this was his home, though at times, most of the time when he is being disciplined, Noah will mumble something about wanting to go back to Ethiopia. I have heard other adoptive parents of older children speak of this happening as well, and usually it is no need for alarm, but it is hard on a parent's heart to hear those words.

No doubt these questions and issues will arise again and again, and will require more thorough and detailed explanations as the boys get older.

Trying to explain to young children the loss they have experienced in a way they can understand is both difficult and saddening. But the one thing I have been reminded of through these difficult questions is how thankful I am for the miracle of adoption, that God can turn such loss into such joy, hope and love through the blessing of family. Not only this, but that God is faithful to strengthen, guide, and equip us for what he has called Zack and to do, which is to be a part of the wonderful, though not always easy, blessing of adoption.

"Why????" x 600!

The above pictures are from a fun trip we took a couple of weekends ago to Gatlinburg, TN. Both sets of grandparents went, we visited the aquarium and spent a day at an indoor waterpark. It was a blast. Because we all spent so much time together that weekend, the grandparents became aware of something I hear every day- the word, "why????". They were quite astonished at just how many times, Noah, especially, uses the word. Of course, you have to remember, Noah has only been home for 3 months, is still very much in the midst learning a new language, and is surrounded by completely new sights and sounds- heck, I would probably say "why???" constantly as well. And I do mean constantly. Noah is one very inquisitive little man.

To see just how inquisitive he is, one day, I decided to keep track of how many times he used the word "why???". I only made it for about an hour, because he said the word over 50 times in one hour. So, if you average that over the 12 hours he is awake each day, he says "why???" more than 600 times a day!! That is a lot of "why's?????" I admit, at the end of the day "why???" #566 can begin to take its toll, but I try to remember- he is in a new world! We should be expect him to be full of questions! I have caught him a few times asking "why???" about things that he already knows the answer to, and in those cases I turn the tables and ask him "why???" :) It is amazing to hear him answer me in English. His English is improving with each day, and the biggest issue we are having with language at this time is word order, which is something we know will come with time.

The Bond of Brotherhood.....

Growing up as an only child, I obviously never knew what it was like to have a sibling. I had some close friends and cousins, but never someone who was always there, all the time. Trust me, this was okay with me then, (I told my parents that I liked everything just the way it was when asked if I wanted a brother or sister) and really, I am okay with it now as well. The only thing I wonder about is the sibling bond.

However, after watching Caleb and Noah over the last couple of months, I been given a small glimpse into the bond of brotherhood, and maybe I understand it- just a little bit. I have to believe that this bond of brotherhood is even more special and unique, seeing as Caleb and Noah have only known each other for a short 10 weeks or so, and have no biological relation. And yet, they share something that is even more special. They were both chosen. They were both sought out. They were both loved long before they knew there was a family that was praying every night for them to come home soon. Maybe that is where this amazing, supernatural bond of brotherhood comes from. It is as real as anything I have ever seen.

Caleb and Noah's love is obvious for each other. They choose to sit beside each other at preschool choir and choose to play with each other during Sunday School- they do not want to be seperated. They are best friends. At the McDonald's Play Place (which has quickly become a favorite destination), they won't venture into the brightly colored tunnels without one another. And just yesterday, while Noah was at preschool and Caleb was at home with me, Caleb told me several times that he loved Noah and wanted him to come home. These guys love each other dearly. They fight with lots of passion too, but at the end of the day, they are two peas in a pod, two special boys who by God's soveriegn will ended up in our home- how blessed are we??!!!

Now that Noah is home, the number one question we get in public is, "Are they brothers?" Well, I of course know what people mean when they ask that question. People want to know if Caleb and Noah are biological brothers. I usually say "no", and explain that they were both adopted from Ethiopia, and get a chance to talk about adoption, which is always a good thing. I have been tempted to just say "yes" and go on. I did that once to the sweet lady who works in the children's section of the library, and I still feel guilty about it, because I know what she was really asking :)

But the truth is they are as real of brothers as they could possibly be, and the bond of brotherhood in our home is strong. God has answered so many prayers over the last several weeks and has shown himself so faithful in the life of our family that

all we can do is praise him and thank him for his great love and mercy.